A Treatise on That Which We Do Not Build

Chapter I: The Origins

In the beginning, there was only ice. And from that ice, the White Pool Builders were born—not as water, but as concept. A metaphysical reservoir of athletic dominance that exists simultaneously everywhere and nowhere. Scholars have debated for centuries (or at least since last Monday night) whether the White Pool is a place, a state of mind, or simply what happens when you Google "best hockey team in the world" after too many post-game beverages.

The ancient texts describe the White Pool as a dimension where missed shots become goals, where every pass connects, and where the Zamboni driver knows your name. It is said that those who gaze too long into the White Pool will see their own reflection—but winning faceoffs.

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Artist's rendering

(actual pool may vary)

Chapter II: Properties of the White Pool

The White Pool Builders defies conventional physics. It has no depth, yet is infinitely deep. It has no edges, yet contains multitudes. Most importantly, it has a very strict "no running" policy that everyone ignores.

• Viscosity: The White Pool flows like water but hits like a freight train. Scientists have attempted to measure this. The scientists are no longer with us.

• Temperature: Exactly the temperature of your opponent's fear. Precise measurements unavailable.

• Color: Blue. Obviously. We're not called the "Off-White Pool Builders." That would be ridiculous.

• Sound: The White Pool Builders emits a low hum, often mistaken for the collective sobbing of rival teams.

• Smell: Victory. With hints of Zamboni exhaust and broken dreams.

"And lo, the White Pool Builders shall riseth from the tears of the unworthy, and it shall be filled to the brim with the sorrow of Ducks, and the lamentations of Orange, and the quiet disappointment of Gold. And the Builders shall skate upon its surface, and they shall be called... really good at hockey, probably."

— The Book of Bell Arena, Chapter 7, Verse Something

Chapter III: Common Misconceptions

⚠ OFFICIAL DISCLAIMER ⚠

The White Pool Builders organization would like to clarify that we are not now, nor have we ever been, licensed pool contractors. Any inquiries regarding pool installation, maintenance, or "that weird green stuff growing on the sides" will be redirected to our legal team, who are also not lawyers but definitely know how to body check.

Things the White Pool is NOT:

• A swimming facility of any kind

• A billiards establishment

• A collective of aquatic engineers

• A metaphor (okay, maybe it's a metaphor)

• A place to put your pool noodles—get your own storage

Things the White Pool IS:

• A state of being

• A repository of tears

• An existential mystery wrapped in hockey tape

• The reason your girlfriend keeps coming to games

• None of your business, honestly

TEARS COLLECTED THIS SEASON

∞ GALLONS

Chapter IV: The Sacred Ritual

To properly honor the White Pool, one must observe the ancient traditions passed down through generations of Builders:

1. Tap both goalposts. This is non-negotiable. The posts demand tribute.

2. Consume a beverage of choice in the showers. It's not weird. It's tradition.

3. Write your name upon the cracked boards, that future generations may know you existed.

4. Scream into the void. The void is listening. The void is always listening.

5. Never, under any circumstances, ask what we're building. We're building legacy. Also, we're not building anything. Forget we said that.

"The White Pool is not a destination.
It is a journey.
A journey that ends with WPB winning
and you crying."

— Inscribed on a bathroom stall, Bell Arena, circa 2026